Saturday, July 30, 2005

I saw Spank Rock at the Ottobar last night. It was bizzare as shit. He had 2 DJs and a dude playing Bongos. He also had a couple booty dancers but by the time the show was over about half the girls at the show were onstage dancing and it was a big old clusterfuck. Spank Rock was more like an MC than a rapper, not really doing songs but yelling shit out intermittently in between breaks and stuff. It was fun! One of the girls I was with said he looked like Steve Urkel, but my brother was right when he said he looked just like the dude with glasses in Wild Style.

Thursday, July 28, 2005

OK, so now my job's officially started for real and I'm actually working. Great. Man, I even got health insurance. If I stepped on a nail or ate a whole bunch of raw fish or some shit and someone was like "Whoaa! You should go see a doctor!" I'd be like, Yeah.

At my job today we went to this pool. Most of the kids at my school have some sort of mental disability but a lot of them only have learning disabilities or ADHD and stuff like that, and they're still really intelligent. A bunch of these dudes decided to try and dunk me in the pool, so I said Okay, let's go, but I wasn't sure if I was actually allowed to pick them up and throw them. But I kept picking them up and throwing them and after about 20 minutes I asked one of my coworkers and he said it was okay. It's weird, because if one of the kids actually started wigging out and smacking people I wouldn't be allowed to restrain him cause I have to go through some training course first.

Sunday, July 24, 2005

So, I'm watching this Cardinals Cubs game on TV. In one inning, the Cardinals get three home runs. Two of them are in a row, like, 2 dudes step to the plate and hit home runs off the first pitch one after another. What do you call a guy who's being paid millions of dollars to look real stupid on TV? Mark Prior.

Saturday, July 23, 2005

Reasons to go to Montreal:
-Hot girls. Oh, my god! They're all hot. I just don't know. It's nuts.
-Weak bouncers. About three bouncers tried to get the mike out of my hands at a Karaoke bar where I was reaching the climax of Paradise City or something after about a million drinks. When I held on tight and proved stronger than them, these fat bastards gave up and didn't slap the shit out of me. Amazing.
-People are nice for no reason. This one dude sitting on the steps to a skate shop even offered us duct tape. That's unheard of in America.
-You don't even have to know how to say "Parlez-vous Anglais?" cause the answer is always Hell Yes.

Reasons not to go to Montreal:
-It's far away. It's so fucking far.
-It's usually so cold that the saliva in your mouth freezes and your coffee becomes a coffee coolata while you're still in the Dunkin Donuts.
-Border agents are assholes.
-I mean, it's confusing and how are you supposed to find your way around? It's impossible to remember street names cause they're all St. Something. I mean, how can you remember you're looking for St. Michael after you pass St. Martin and St. Johnny and St. Martha and St. Everything else. It's dumb.

Reasons to go to Philadelphia:
-Good Cheesesteaks. You can go to the 2 most famous places, Gino's and something else, and compare them, cause they're right across the street from each other.
-Good country stations. You'd better believe it. New York has zero, so driving west on the Pennsylvania turnpike and push seek a lot.
-Cheap as shit. My buddy Mike lives in a house, like, with a backyard, a front yard, and side yards, and it cost the same amount as my little apartment in the Bronx. What the fuck? He shares it with one dude. I guess just normal stuff like food and going to shows must be cheap too.

Reasons not to go to Philadelphia:
-Weird people. I think Pennsylvania is full of hicks and shit, who get way too drunk and do stuff like pass out in basements at 8:00 or get naked in the living room during a party. That's bananas!
-Boring. Their biggest tourist attractions are a big old bell and a flight of steps. Lame!
-Bad pizza.

Friday, July 22, 2005

Hustle and Flow is awesome. I don't want to say anything else about it except that it's great and anybody reading this who hasn't seen it should go see it.

I think Memphis is the capital of great American music. I mean, Johnny Cash, Elvis, and most of the blues dudes who ended up becoming famous in Chicago like Howling Wolf and fucking B.B. King all went through Sun records to begin with. Then you got Stax and Otis Redding and all that, I mean, anybody coming out of Memphis has a lot to live up to. I can't believe I've never even been there.

Thursday, July 21, 2005

Apparently Jay-Z rapped in a song with Biggie about them playing Monopoly with real money. I can't claim credit for the idea now, but at least people will think it's cool.

Wedding Crashers is funny. Funnier than Startsky and Hutch, but not as funny as Old School.

Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time is fun. It's isn't very hard though. I think I might finish it by the time it's due back to Blockbuster.

Sunday, July 17, 2005

So, my brother is up at some mega-concert Pitchfork thing in Chicago where it actually looks like Rob Lowe is DJing. The guy from the West Wing? I'd actually rather watch Martin Sheen spinning, but it doesn't matter cause I'm not there anyway. I would have asked my bro if I could tag along but I thought even if he wouldn't be worried about me getting real drunk, telling all the Pitchfork writers that the Jimmy Jamma has got the best fucking blog in the world!, and puking on their shoes... I knew I didn't have the money anyway. What with my job not starting for another week and all. So instead I'm at my parents' house, going through the new Harry Potter book so quickly it's actually kind of pathetic. I like it though.

I noticed yesterday that if you accidentally go to instead of you get taken to the homepage of some kind of funky-blues girl band, all of whom look like they eat plenty. awesome.

Friday, July 15, 2005

The Daily Show is way overrated. The only part I like is the special correspondents - I think John Stewart is lame. The thing is he attracts all the liberal people to the audience who will laugh at whatever the fuck stupid joke he tells just so he looks funny. It makes him a lazy comedian. Like "here I mention something that happened that's already funny and I drop a totally obvious punchline on it, keep running with it, keep rambling like I'm going to bring it around to some other point or something that's actually witty but actually!!... I just repeat the punchline." And everyone laughs again at the same joke. I think if that Ann Coulter lady had a TV show she'd probably be just as funny even if she is totally evil.

I used to have people come to my place in the Bronx to play Texas Hold 'Em tournaments. It was great. I haven't been able to do it since I've become homeless and unemployed after college, but when I get my new place I hope I start it up again in Baltimore. This week though, I had a brainwave: playing Monopoly with real money. If everybody brought 15 bucks real cash, you would just start with that instead of 1500 bucks monopoly money. 1 cent would count as 1 dollar in the game. You might have a problem with having money in the bank, but I figure enough people probably buy properties on the first time around the board to be able to give people their 200 dollars every time around and stuff like that, right?

Monday, July 11, 2005

The other night I went to this place Lillie's in Red Hook. It was a long-ass walk from the train and I think most people that go there take the bus. The fact that it was so far from the subway was the reason I hadn't been to this place but one time before even though I'd been hearing about it since I was a freshman. They had a backyard with these dudes sitting around playing banjos and mandolins and the beer was cheap. I'd be hanging out at this place all the time now except it looks like I'm moving down to Baltimore.

Astoria ain't shit. I stuck my head in a bar there to take a piss and it looked like I was in a college bar filled with 30 year old fat guys and their chicks. It looked like hell. Apparently right after I left the bathroom some guy started puking in the sink. My buddy said all the bars in Astoria are like that. I have some friends there but we never went out drinking in their hood before, and now I know why.

Wednesday, July 06, 2005

I think the fourth of July is one of my favorite holidays cause I like to ponder freedom, drink, recite phrases from the declaration, and watch fireworks.

War of the Worlds is actually pretty good. I like movies about apacolypse and society falling apart. And I'm totally happy that the first place you see get mowed down might actually be Bayonne, New Jersey, where some asshole tried not to give my dad my deposit back when he brought back a keg for me. See what you get when you fuck with my money?